so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
