My first STD was from a foam party
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
