im drinking this country out of the recession.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
