So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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