He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
