i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
