Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize