Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
