i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
