I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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