she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
