I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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