hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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