I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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