please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
