we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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