My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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