ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
