i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
