Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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