WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
