I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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