Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The air taste purple.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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