put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
