dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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