I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs