Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit