who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
