Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
