It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
