you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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