Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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