i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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