Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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