i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
time to smoke my breakfast
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
