I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
