are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
