I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
