So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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