i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
