We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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