this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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