If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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