D3 body, D1 cock
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
