I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
