Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
