areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
