I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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