Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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