I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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