Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize