Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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