He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
