The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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