Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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