were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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