And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize