im six kinds of drunk right now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
