yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
