Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
