It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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