I have demons in me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
