I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
