She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
