There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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