I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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