It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
