If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
