I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this hospital has no fireball
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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