dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
