you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
