I just pynch a tree in the face
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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