yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
